Friday, January 16, 2009
- Polio runs in the Roosevelt family - the only reason Teddy didn't have it is because polio knows better.
- Teddy Roosevelt's blood can cure cancer. Unfortunately, he left most of it on San Juan Hill and decided he didn't actually need it.
- Teddy Roosevelt can win an argument on the Internet.
- Teddy Roosevelt is the choice of a new generation.
- The last digit of pi is Teddy Roosevelt.
- Teddy Roosevelt can feed his Mogwai after midnight.
- The only thing that can kill Teddy Roosevelt is another Teddy Roosevelt. And even then it's tricky.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
- If Teddy Roosevelt were President today, we would not only have captured Osama Bin Laden, Teddy would have led the search team and personally beaten Mr. Al-Qaeda to within an inch of his life.
- Also, no one would be hurt or killed by IEDs or suicide bombers. Roosevelt's glare alone is enough to disarm a bomb.
- Bruce Wayne wanted to be Teddy Roosevelt when he grew up.
- Roosevelt founded the Bull Moose party after killing, carving, and ingesting both a bull and a moose with his bare hands.
- Roosevelt once punched Death right in the mouth. The two have not been seen together since.
- Roosevelt once built a raft out of three compliant grizzly bears.
- Roosevelt once fought Cthulhu and came to a draw. He was six months old.
- Roosevelt's trademark spectacles did not improve his eyesight - they merely exposed the weaknesses of his enemies.
- Roosevelt is on God's speed dial in case of emergencies.
- Hitler didn't commit suicide because the Allies were at his doorstep. He committed suicide because Teddy Roosevelt set him a threatening letter.